Marriage is now assuming all kinds of
definitions and admitting all kinds of adjectives to its meaning courtesy of civilisation and
human rights. From about fifty years ago to down the ages, marriage had always
been known as a legal union between man and woman . Even though men
overstretched their authority and married more than one wife, it was still a
man-woman thing legalised by some sort of traditionally agreed form of ritual which
sealed the contract. Any other form of cohabitation such as homosexual union or
informal affair between two un-wedded people was regarded as an abomination and
incurred some form of social punishment.
Now cohabitation between two unwed people is condoned as the right of the individuals so long as they are of age; some people rationalise it as a testing
of the water to see whether it will work. As in many ‘advanced’ countries, a
new culture has emerged in the Delta, what is instructively referred to as
trial marriage. A variant of it is credit marriage as an extension of the
practice of ‘born for’. Under this arrangement, a male and female couple may
live together and produce children. If after a year or many years they find
each other incompatible, they may go their separate ways. ‘It is their right,’
they claim. This ‘right ‘ is further stretched to produce children which are
sure to be tossed about when the temporary couple have had their fill of the
adventure. The right of the children to be reared in a warm and secure home
with both parents of opposite but complementary sex playing their roles in their
character formation is of no consequence
to the experimenters. Some others practice homosexual sex and go ahead to
legalise the union claiming that it is their orientation which they have a
right to exercise. Or worse still, the
homosexual couples go on and adopt babies who are forced to watch their
‘parents’ cuddle and exhibit what clearly injures the sensibilities of an
average person .The fact that these children are daily traumatised both
socially and in their psyches is not much of a human right issue- at least not
until the children can speak for themselves. We have even gone farther than all
that, and why not since we are in the jet age of fast technology and uncommon
breakthroughs; there is a recent example of a transsexual man who nursed a pregnancy and gave birth to a baby.
It offends our sense of propriety. For some of us, it shows the end of the
world is here.
This is so because some core traditional institutions like the church have also become victims of radical re-interpretations of basic human issues and institutions like sexuality and sexual orientation and marriage. Old paradigms are being questioned, and the young and vibrant generations of youths have become highly experimental with sex and sexuality. To this debate therefore, the overriding question is: who sets the standard for the world to follow? Borrowing the words of Prof. Hope Eghagha, how far can we go in appropriating 21st century dynamics to the demands of the Christian faith as enunciated in the Bible?
To these pertinent questions I make bold to liken them to the case of a child who was groomed with all the love his parents could muster but then strayed in search of unbridled freedom, missed his way in the forest and is now wandering whether his freedom has fetched him the happiness he was seeking in the first place. He is no where near the kind of peace and orderliness he had when he was submissive to the loving leading of his parents but rather than retrace his steps, he has opted to plunge himself into all kinds of escapades to see if he can reclaim his peace; talk about pride and wild goose chase.
Civilisation and technology all came from wisdom and wisdom is of God who created us and lovingly gave us dominion over all other created things. Yes we can explore and discover, invent new ways of doing things and exercise our freedom in many ways but we must subject all of them to the dictates of the Creator who made all those things because we can never know more than Him who made those things in the first place. Like the strayed child, we can either choose to run back to our Maker and let Him help us right the wrongs in our lives or we can continue to try and retry all kinds of lifestyles to give us joy outside our maker but that can only plunge us from one mess to another.
Marriage is a legal and spiritual
union formulated and elucidated by the Almighty to bind human beings together
in love intended to create a milieu where offspring can be procreated, well
nurtured and then dispersed to keep the world going. In the beginning , He
realised that, ‘’... it is not good for
man to be alone’’ despite the fact that there were animals and plants
already in existence around him. And He did not create extra man and then woman
to give the original man the option of choosing between the woman and his
fellow man. Rather, He ‘’made them male
and female’’ and went ahead to say that, ‘’the man should leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife’’.
And summed up the instruction by saying that ‘’what God has joined together let no man put asunder’’ .
In dissecting the above elucidations, it can be deduced that the Creator acknowledges that we need companionship nurtured by heart to heart connection. That was why the companion had to be another kind of man, like him and compatible with him. An animal could never fill that void. And in coming together, the ground has to be laid for cleavage- the climate had to be conducive for intimacy because that bond is meant to be permanent. The two individuals concerned will initiate the bond and with words and the necessary contractual ritual the witnesses seal the bond.That bond grows beyond them !
If the married partners are Christians, especially Catholic Christians, they can’t break it as the moods hit them because other significant factors are now involved. Firstly, the same word that was used to bring into existence what was not in creation, has been used to create an institution that is supposed to be generative, that is give life, not only to other human beings but also to human spirituality. The offspring of that union have the right to be nurtured by both the man and woman for wholeness so that they can be well prepared to disperse and do the same. Besides human nurturance, marital union should form a micro place of communality and godly love where interdependency, trust and sacrificial giving are imbibed, practised and extended to the outside world. That is generativity and that is why a marriage is the crown of all human relationships and is still always valid even when the couple is still expecting to have their own babies. If the world is lacking in human warmth and sacrificial love now, it is because the marriage institution, in many instances, have not lived up to these values in recent times.
Talking about giving life through godly love, love can never be true if it is not sacrificial and sacrifices are not ballroom dances; they often give pain as well as joy. Christ would not have had claim to loving us if he had not emptied Himself of his position, divinity and dignity to die in our place. He is the standard of love we may never attain but of which we must look up to. You would not have loved your spouse or children if you cannot sometimes give up something you genuinely treasure for them. The lovely fragrances from the rose that is called marriage must be savoured with the occasional pricks of the thorns which accompanies every rose flower. Jumping in and out of relationships as the mood hits us, breeding children in an atmosphere that does not guarantee them security which both parents must offer or having a sexual orientation that is abnormal and then dwelling on it and even subjecting children into living with the abominable union is anything but loving or generative. It can never know true peace because it is like the child that has strayed into the forest and is struggling to make it a home. At best it can only turn to an ‘animal’ if it doesn’t make it back home.
For those who are weighed down by pain of their union, I can only urge them to weigh the issues carefully, take all the significant factors in the union into consideration and then take a path that focuses on love. God is love personified. It is in suffering that our lives are mostly ingrained. Show me a woman who has suffered much and I’ll show you a most loving wife or mother, or show me a man who forgave much and I’ll give you a man of great faith and worthy of much honour. Moses’ love for his people was not very evident when he was displaying his miraculous prowess before Pharaoh. It was not made manifest when he was in the clouds on the mountain talking to God. It was most perfectly made manifest when he offered to forfeit wonderful promises from God for the sake of his people(Deut 9:18). He offered to forfeit the beautiful city and all God was offering him if God would not relent in meting out just punishment to the rebellious Israelites and love won. Ruth’s love for her late husband and for God was nothing to talk about when her husband was alive despite despite the fact that she must have been showing all acts of affection to him and his mother. No, the world had to learn about love in action when she forfeited freedom to care for the old mother-in-law and accept whatever the future had in store for her, part of which was to sustain the name of her late husband. She sold off her freedom for sacrificial love and selflessness and gave birth to one of the ancestors of our Lord Jesus Christ named Obed.
When it’s all rosy, when it’s all yummy and our emotions are high, when we can pay our bills and have fun around us, you may mean well and truly love me but I am not sure; I’ll just move along with the tide. But when we ache together, when my friends depart because I can no longer measure up to their standard, when it’s caving in on me and you have the option of going away and leaving me with the misfortune you didn’t create and you choose to hang in with me, then I have found love and the love will nurse my wound.
True marriage is indeed the crown of our lives and the rose that ardours life with its sweet fragrance despite the thorns that accompany the rose.
Pharm(Mrs)
May Ohaedoghasi
Culled
from Marriage A crown and A
rose
For
enquiries and seminars on marriage, sexuality and stress management
Write to mayohai35@gmail.com or call 08056704643
Comments
Post a Comment