Parenting, we all know is a daunting task in every part of the world
and so facing that duty meant for two people, alone is quite something that
will require every form of assistance and empowerment that can be garnered. And
this is particularly so in a depressed economy like ours where greed, the love
of self, lack of good planning and the debt of social security have all added
up to impoverish almost everyone in the economy. But even at this, there are
different categories of single parents and we will do well to specify the group
we are actually focusing on.
Single Parents
Single parents are as the name specifies: parents- either male or
female- who are alone in the task of raising their children. Male and female,
fathers and mothers have specific roles in the homes with regards to children
upbringing and that are in line with their gender traits and specificity. The
males usually make more money to pay the bills and exhibit ‘tough love’ which
are sometimes needful in marching tenderness with discipline; while the women
cuddle more and usually have more time to impart the basic needs of nurturance
and character formation. Together, the parents should not only produce seeds in
their marriage but also make sure that those seeds meet the standard with
regards to emotional, physical, social and spiritual requirements that every individual
needs to live a normal life.
And so, when one of the parents is absent due life issues
like death or separation, a vacuum is created which exerts significant impact
on the life of the deprived family depending on the capability of the remnant
parent, the age of the children, the social status of the family, the level of
support system available to them and other psycho-spiritual empowerment they
are able to employ to bridge the gap in their life.
For this group, Women Of Divine Love, we are focused on widows and
abandoned mothers who are on board or willing boarders who want to partake in
the movement of using our resources to recover from a life of bitterness, grief
and self pity, to that of self dependency, contentment and peace and even
transcend this basic social adjustment to that of intimacy with the divine
where His promises are explored and enjoyed and the responsibilities of divine
fruitfulness embraced. Experiences gathered have shown that mothers cannot do
justice to this state of single life without a solid frame of mind.
Solid Frame of Mind
Many alone mothers are too stressed up to
think and plan clearly and embrace their status with equanimity. They continue
to live in denial and isolation, pose a façade of wellbeing and pretend that they
are okay for myriads of reasons ranging from escape from undue pity or societal
subjugation, reluctance to accept the fact on ground and unwillingness to
adjust and move on. Some are always despondent, blaming everyone and
everything around them. Those ones are best described with the words of Amos
concerning Israel thus; “Virgin
Israel has fallen. She lies abandoned on the ground and no one helps her up” (Amos 5:2). Oh no, The Lords
says to all who live such a life; “Come to me and you will live” (Amos5;4)That
is why He said; ‘’My grace is sufficient for thee for my strength is made perfect in
weakness” (2 Cor. 12:9 ,
ICor.10:13.)
Again, some widows do not want to be part of any grouping that may
query their motives and actions in life should they decide to live a life of
‘dirty shade of grey’: they want to maintain their positions in the church and
community while keeping their secret affairs for whatever gains it affords
them. While not intending to judge anyone here, we do not hide the fact that,
just as the Lord said in Rev 3:15, a double-minded person cannot make
meaningful progress in any worthwhile venture. A widow or abandoned mother who
wants to cope well in a depressed, chauvinistic society like ours need God’s
help in its full measure and you cannot get it if you are not totally in His
camp. Of course you can get into any relationship you want to, as an adult, and get married again if it gets to that, but we enjoin you to think deeply and put all aspects of your life- children and their welfare, family assets and your own sanity- in perspective when taking such a huge decision. For those who join the Women of Divine Love group, they have seen that going it alone is not easy in a chauvinistic society such as ours, and most men do not want to be saddled with children from their another man as a price for the relationship they want to have with you.And rather than create heart aches for themselves and reduce the respect their children have for them if they see them jumping from one relationship to another, they respectably join a support group that is positioned to help them glide through their new status and even climb on their spiritual ladder.
Women
Of Divine Love
A true woman of divine love must recover
from the grief stages of shock, denial, isolation, frequent cries, blame, anger
and depression, to that of acceptance and renewed vigor to face the challenges
ahead. She has settled the issue in her mind that no man should contend with
the Almighty(Job40:2) and ‘forgive’ God for making her a widow or allowing her
to go through abandonment and focus on His promises to always be there for her
and her children.
She has come to know that she needs
another kind of marriage, a marriage with the divine that had been initiated
for her at baptism and now waiting to be embraced more intimately. The
Lord Himself lures her with the beautiful words of Solomon thus; ‘’Come then
my love, my darling come with me. You are like a dove that hides in the crevice
of a rock’’(Sgs13b-14a).If she is smart enough to answer to this special
lure, she will, like many have done in our group enter a new and deeper kind of
divine marriage. In this
new marriage she will always here the Lord say,’’ “ My sweetheart, my bride is
a secret garden, a walled garden, a private spring; there the plants flourish.
Myrrh and aloe grow there with all the most fragrant perfume.
Fountains water the garden, streams
of flowing water.(Sgs4:12-15)
Intimacy with God demands a certain level of detachment from
the world and an embrace that is private and somewhat secluded. With that frame
of mind, worshipping God will not just be a ceremonial thing but a heart-to-
heart sharing that communicates in-depth feelings and listens for guidance; a
heart that trusts Him who says I am the husband of the widows, their defender
and protector, and the father of the fatherless; a garden life whose plants must
flourish because they will be watered by streams of flowing water and whose
fruits and flowers should exude beautiful perfumes that not only makes the
society ‘smell’ good but also sanitizes and preserves it like the aloes
does.
She has to face the reality of a new life status if circumstances
warrant that and lovingly communicate same to her children so that they can
team together in love and agreement in making the necessary life changes which
must also include changing the circle of friends to the ones that will not
continue to make her ache for her past life. And the best way to make this new
set of friends is to join a support group that will preach the principles she
now wants to abide by. WDL does not hide the fact chastity, sharing in love with
no regard for class distinction are high in their scale of practices. We need
to move as a team in life to be able to face the challenges that life throws at
us and the quality of the company counts a lot.
Depressed Economy
A 'depressed economy' is an economy which experiences a prolonged period of recession, or a significant and prolonged downturn in the economy. Characteristics of an economic depression include declining business activities, falling prices, rising unemployment, increasing inventories, public fear and panic. In the case of Nigeria, hyper-inflation amidst the scarcity of money and massive youth unemployment make our case almost critical.
In this scenario, feeding the children well, getting enough funds to send them to good schools, protecting them from negative peer pressure since a lot of youths hang around idly, influencing and being influenced by social miscreants, become daunting indeed.
And so, a single mother in this society needs to buckle up on all fronts, discard all self pity and the expectation that some relations will help, and get busy with marching effective hard work and creating qualitative time for good parenting. She needs to be focused, learn Emotional Intelligence skills that will help her nurture her children, be smart about getting the best of her needs at the least prices and definitely cut her coat according to her cloth. For those who do not know God, I honestly do not know what to recommend as their backbone besides their strength of character, but for genuine women of divine love, divine prescriptions and provisions abound and we will pick a few in the next post.
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