Children Upbringing
Having accepted her cross (and the joys that can accrue from it),
she must also embrace the fact that aloneness does not preclude her from
bringing up qualitative children and young adults who must compete favourably
with others in the global community. To that effect, she take seriously the
Lord’s advice which Solomon put together for us thus; If you do not know most
beautiful of women, follow the tracks of the sheep (or the trail of my flock
NLT) and graze your young (ones) by the tents of the shepherds’’ Sgs1:8 She certainly will need this
admonition in a depressed economy and in a world that continues to grow less
human and more individualistic.
Stay close to God and The Church
A
single parent that loves her children should, from infancy, take them ‘close to
the shepherd’s tent—the house of God where they will be grounded in the word of
God. The All knowing God knows what is at stake and says I am the ‘‘Father
of the fatherless’’(Ps68:5-6), and Jesus seals it up by his demand;
“Let
the children come to me, and do not stop them, because the kingdom of God
belongs to such as these. (Mark 10:14).
So
He expects parents not only to allow the children to come to Him, but to
actually lead them through baptism to be initiated into the family of God.
A child
can learn from an early age to say no to evil thoughts and associations and yes
to a holy life, and where he is confused, he can run to his parent and teachers
for clarification. He must from an early age appreciate that our Lord is his
best friend who he can always talk to in prayers and he should dispose himself
to learning more about this friend by reading good religious books, attending
bible studies and being regular at church. He must always remember these
precious words of longing by our Lord telling him to get toughened up and come
so that the foxes don’t ruin their friendship;
“Catch
the foxes, the little foxes, before they ruin our vineyard in bloom’’(Sgs2:15)
No Fear
Fear should
not be preached all the time as if the world is a war zone that must be
conquered. I say this because a lot of single mothers live in constant fear
because of some bad experiences they must have had and so transfer that to the
children, feeding them with hatred for people and institutions that have
faulted them. That is why I stressed that single parents must get healed
psychologically, strengthen their frame of mind and cling to their divine in
love and trust so that they can transfer the treasures, not poisons, they have
to their children.
In the midst of bonding and nurturing the
children they should also know some Divine instructions and consequences so
that they don’t ignorantly fall prey to disordered lives. The Word of God has stated clearly
that we should honour our mother and father that it might be well with us. (Dt
5:16). You can rephrase the statement to read, “If you do not honour your
parents it might not go well with you”. Do I therefore need to add that all
those who have erred in this regard should repent and pray to have that curse
removed from their heads? Most if not all of us need this cleansing and failure
to carry it out might be part of the cause of chaos we have in the world now.
Be Health Conscious
Everyone, more so single parents need to go back to eating natural
foods that cost less and nourish more to maintain health at home. Using the
likes of Moringa leaves, sesame seeds, basil leaves, potatoes, and frequently
using fresh raw tomatoes and spinach to eat bread, places the family higher in
good health than eating a lot of processed foods like noodles and pastries even
if eaten with a lot of meat.
All Hands On Deck
Everyone, boys and girls, at home must partake in the domestic
work and where applicable, in the family business so that the value of hard
work, sense of responsibility and humility are ingrained in the young ones.
They will be needing it all their lives. There is the conscious and unconscious
trend of letting the female children do all the house chores while the boys are
allowed to laze around, with the perception that domestic work is for women.
This is an unfair and unwise attitude that should be changed because the boys
need these skills to be able to help out in their own homes, when they have
one, it will increase their sensitivity quotient towards in life generally as
they will better appreciate the effort that goes into running a home, and they
will not grow up thinking that the world owes them a duty to serve them when
their sisters and mothers are no longer around to do so. Besides, what you
master, you conquer.
Stay In Charge
I must also emphasis that the mother must not relinquish her
authority to any of the children, even if he or she becomes the bread winner,
and never should you exhibit favoritism to any of the children. They are both
tantamount to shooting.
yourself in the leg because you will lose your right to
counsel and correct, and with the later case, create hatred and division in the
home.
I have widow friend who allowed her son to take charge of
the home in terms of decision taking that she literally fears the son and goes
into hiding whenever he raises his voice which is often. She was always at
logger heads with one of her in-laws when newly lost her husband, so much so
that she was always screaming and cursing the man for his unjust treatments and
so on. The sons were privy to this and gradually were drawn to her defense and
constant fight with their troublesome uncle. With that scenario, the sons grew
up with so much aggression that one can hardly stay near them without having a
feeling of anger and hatred in the air: they became slavish to these negative
emotions and became a terror even to their mother, subconsciously. The woman
now lives in fear, denial and defense as the grown boys continue to assert
their authority and supposed protective tendencies.
Increase Finances
Finances can always be increased if you avail yourself of the
opportunities in your environment and try to fill some vacuum in human needs
instead of tagging along in a business that is easy but yields very little.
There will always be need for pre-packed bean flour for moi-moi (bean cakes)
and akara, ground plantain and millet or cocoyam flour, hygienically prepared
zobo(sorrel) and chapman drinks, packed ogi(fermented corn) paste and of course
fashion designing and so on. These are everyday needs and if you do them well,
you won’t lack customers.
As for the financing, a lot of people approach some cooperate
group or banks for loans but make sure you read all the terms, conditions and
clauses and ask for hidden charges. This is to prevent having to be working
principally for your creditors. Many have not been able to come out from that
trap. That is precisely why we preach savings as a lifestyle even when things
are rosy; that habit is a constant life saver both for you and people that you
may save with it tomorrow. Nothing is as reassuring as having your savings for
tomorrows eventualities. WDL has mandated all parish group to start a
saving club: club 200, 500,and 1000 for members to save up the amount they
belong to every working day without missing for a minimum of 3 months duration
before disbursing or rolling over. The blessings that come from even the
obedience alone have turned some members into home owners.
The Lord Plays His Role
In all of these, if the Lord does not build the house, the builder
builds in vain(Ps 127). And that same Psalm states that children are a gift
from the Lord. You need to clutch at this promise if any of your children is
going astray or causing you heart ache. Again ,The Psalmist makes it clear that
the righteous do not lack when times are hard, because their trust in God make
them give out of the little they have on a constant basis(Psalm37:19,25-26).
And I personally love the promises in John chapter 15 verses 1-7; 16 where The
Lord promises that if we abide in Him and allow His words to abide in us, the
answer to our prayers is a done deal.
It is when there is a habit of family prayers and Bible
sharing that these divine treasures are easily explained and implanted in the
minds of the young ones. And for as long as the parent is not speaking from two
sides of the mouth, preaching one thing and doing another, the Lord will
perfect your efforts and crown them with success and peace. And in the words
again of Solomon, you will exclaim;
‘’My lover knows that with him I
find contentment and peace’. Sgs
of sgs 8:10b
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